Some people do yoga,attend church, go for therapy, exercise to find an outlet for their stress. All those are healthy ways of dealing with stress.
I really wish I could be one of those people. Instead I cut myself. I have been doing it since I was 12 and over the years it has just gotten more severe. I managed to get 33 stitches in my wrist years ago. My wrists look a road map. Problem is, people thought I needed attention or I was suicidal – neither was true.
I stopped cutting my wrists as it is a million degrees and I can’t hide it under long sleeves. Unfortunately I still needed to do it, which made me start cutting my stomach. Due to me being very overweight (most of the fat on my stomach) means that the scars stretch about 3 times in size.
I did really well for more than 6 years, only occasionally falling off the wagon. Now I’m back to about every 2 weeks. Sometimes it’s just a small slice, other times I really rip up my flesh.
Christmas is my favorite holiday and I used to decorate and buy presents in Oct already. This year there are no gifts or decor. I always stressed due to not having a lot of money, this year I am not up to it. Frankly I am up to nothing anymore. Life consists of work, house work and sleeping. Sad.