Coping Done Wrong

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Some people do yoga,attend church, go for therapy, exercise to find an outlet for their stress. All those are healthy ways of dealing with stress.

I really wish I could be one of those people. Instead I cut myself. I have been doing it since I was 12 and over the years it has just gotten more severe. I managed to get 33 stitches in my wrist years ago. My wrists look a road map. Problem is, people thought I needed attention or I was suicidal – neither was true.

I stopped cutting my wrists as it is a million degrees and I can’t hide it under long sleeves. Unfortunately I still needed to do it, which made me start cutting my stomach. Due to me being very overweight (most of the fat on my stomach) means that the scars stretch about 3 times in size.

I did really well for more than 6 years, only occasionally falling off the wagon. Now I’m back to about every 2 weeks. Sometimes it’s just a small slice, other times I really rip up my flesh.

Christmas is my favorite holiday and I used to decorate and buy presents in Oct already. This year there are no gifts or decor. I always stressed due to not having a lot of money, this year I am not up to it. Frankly I am up to nothing anymore. Life consists of work, house work and sleeping. Sad.

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2 thoughts on “Coping Done Wrong

  1. Oh sweet fibro sister- let’s find a new coping tool. My daughter was a cutter she despises her scars today. What she did was talk with a counselor and found a new way to cope with life hurts. As a fibro warrior I can understand the pain being so overwhelming but there are ways to cope that doesn’t involve self harm- or exercise etc…. try lighting candles in a bathroom and soak in an Epsom Salt bath (1 cup of salt and 1/4 c of baking soda on really bad days- just salt on bad days). Simple stretches- pool exercise (if you’re a water person), my new help is through the spa section of planet fitness gym but on bad days like today driving there is impossible. Thanks for sharing your story- hope you can get some help and make a life change for you betterment.

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    1. Hi Tracy,
      I really appreciate your kind words ❤
      I know it is a terrible coping method, it just seems to be the only one that helps a little.
      My medical aid only pays for 15 sessions a year – which I finished in March.
      I do know that you are right and I should find another way.
      I have started reading again, which I love. Lying in bed with some coffee and a book distracts me at least.
      I am so sorry about your daughter, but thank goodness she managed to stop herself. That really is a great victory!

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